Identity Theft (with 2 Updates)

Two years ago Commerce Bank opened a branch right around the corner. “Great,” we said and a lot of people in the neighborhood opened an account there; including me and the-mother-of-your-dreams, Dorothy. The bank was all lovey dovey and accepted our money happily and we were treated nicely by the bank employees as reliable and recogniz-able customers. About a year and a half later the bank is staffed by mostly new people and we are no longer treated like anything but people off the street who, at any given time, might pull out a gat and hold up the place. Consequently, every transaction requires that you prove who you are, which is no problem for most people because we can easily flash a drivers license (the photo I.D. of choice).

For people like Dorothy, however, this presents a problem since she doesn’t drive…and never has. To solve this Dorothy went to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles to get a non-driving I.D. and was told she couldn’t get one because she didn’t have any I.D. A mind-boggling Catch 22, right? To issue a non-driving license the DMV requires the presenta-tion of a Social Security card. This sounds okay but Dorothy lost her SS card at least 25 years ago and never had it replaced. Dumb, yes? But also very common…who knew the day would come when self-identification would be so important? Where do you keep your SS card?

So Dorothy goes to the Social Security office and she was told that to get a replacement card she would need her birth certificate. Easier said than done. Thank goodness Dorothy has her baptismal certificate and, using that, she was able to track down her birth certificate…although it took almost a year to do so.

Finally she thought she had all the necessary papers to obtain a new Social Security card, after which it would be back to the DMV for Commerce Bank-approved proof of identity. Armed with her birth certificate, baptismal certificate, Medicare card, marriage license and proof of previous employment with an employee photo I.D and a pre-filled out application form (picked up by me at the SS office about three weeks ago; along with instructions), we confidently arrived at the downtown office (Brooklyn residents can only use this specific office…no branches) at 7:00 a.m. this morning, forking over $14 for a space in a nearby parking lot (well, two blocks away).

There were about a dozen people ahead of us and 20 service windows, 15 of which were not manned. After waiting 20 minutes we were called to window 8 and submitted the application. The clerk did not even look at our stack of proof and asked for a letter from Dorothy’s doctor that states her name and her date of birth.

Stalemate.

He then gave us a list of required documents that we heretofore did not have in our possession and, I guarantee, was not part of the pack-age I had picked up three weeks ago. Oddly enough he also gave us a printout of a document showing that Dorothy was indeed the owner of her particular number but said document was not proof that she existed, even though she has been collecting Social Security pay-ments for 25 years. Before moving away from the window I scanned the new list and noticed that a Medicare card could be used as proof and I told Dottie to show hers to the clerk. He pointed out that the list said Medicaid, not Medicare (my mistake), so if you are on Welfare you can prove who you are. The marriage license didn’t work because it can only be used for proof if it’s less than two years old. Since Dorothy got married in 1938 the license was not acceptable. I also noticed that proof of life insurance is good if it shows her date of birth; but she didn’t include that with her other documents (who knew?) Her employee photo I.D. is no good because she is not em-ployed anymore. A passport is also excellent proof but need you ask if Dorothy has one of those?

For some strange reason the clerk kindly gave us a fax number so that Dorothy’s doctor could send in the required letter. The big “however” with this is that it was now only 7:45 a.m. and Dorothy’s doctor doesn’t start his office hours until 10:00 and Dorothy had to be present in the Social Security office when the fax arrived. He sug-gested we take a seat until we could contact the doctor but I balked at that; just for my own self esteem. Turned out to be a good thing we didn't wait, though.

It was so frustrating it was almost hard not to laugh. You know how it is when you run up against a brick wall with no way over or around it? That was it this morning. We were home by 8:15 and my rigid back and fluttering eyes did not allow me to go back to bed. At about 10:15 Dorothy called her doctor to get the required letter in the works. Of course her doctor is home sick and please call back on Monday or Tuesday. Another circumstantial kick in the groin!

I just don’t get it. Where is the common sense in all of this? Dorothy is 90 years old and is being treated like a felon and/or a terrorist. One look at her and anyone would know she’s legitimate! Will no one give this wonderful lady a break? Commerce Bank, the Dept. of Motor Vehicles and Social Security do not accept her as a real person. And why does a doctor’s letter supercede everything else? It seems to me that would be the easiest thing to forge, right?

So, because Dorothy is crazed (me too) by her not having any accep-table identification, she will get this doctor’s note and we’ll try again next week. If, that is, I can survive my own agita.
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Update: On Monday Dorothy acquired a hastily handwritten letter from her surprised doctor stating her full name, her social security number and her date of birth; all of which she had to verbally supply to him. Armed with this fairly bogus (in my opinion) letter we went back to the Social Security office this morning. There was no line, the clerk superficially scanned the letter and, without asking to see any other document (birth certificate, driver's license, passport); stamped an approval on her application for a Social Security card; which she will receive in the mail within two weeks. The next bureaucratic bastion to be breached: The Department of Motor Vehicles. Further update forthcoming...

Update, the Second: Dorothy got her new Social Security card in the mail yesterday, 9/17, and her brother-in-law took her to the DMV today. She presented her birth certificate, Social Security card, Medicare card, life insurance policy, marriage license and the new doctor's note. Sorry, Dorothy, the marriage certificate was issued by a church and is unacceptable proof; she must obtain the one issued by a government entity (city/state). Again, Dorothy has all these documents that are irrefutable proof that she is alive and well and a living human being. But this 90-year-old woman has been, yet again, turned away by a clerk whose self-worth has to be set at zero, in a situation where logic has no meaning, a tiny bit of power and is a cog in the wheel of another incredible bureaucracy. Dorothy got married in 1938; do you think it will be easy for her to obtain a copy of a civic marriage license? The clerk gave her an instruction sheet which included directions on how and where to obtain an acceptable marriage certificate. The phone number on the directions is wrong, but luckily the robot who answered the phone gave her the correct number and the subsequent factotum told her he would send her the forms. However, he also told her she would have to appear in person; but the only place this can be done is on Worth St. in downtown Manhattan. She played her age-card but, other than sending her the forms, there is nothing he can do. He did emphasize that once she filed the forms it would take four to six weeks and cost $15. This is no longer laughable.