Bowling For Tin

What is there about trophies that defy the possibility of art? Why are they just the ugliest possible tchotchke? Trophies as a species seem to be inherently ugly…witness the Oscar, Tony, Emmy, Heismann, Super Bowl and every other major and minor piece of hammered metal, glass, enamel and plastic. Even that claret jug from the British Open, as prestigious as it might be, looked to me like a piece of ersatz junk.

But the bottom of the barrel, any barrel, has to be the lowly bowling trophy. In this case the word “lowly” seems to have been coined specifically to fit this particular object. I’ve only recently been exposed to these trophies again, having taken up the sport after a 13-year hiatus. I had forgotten, but now am bemused by the fact, that the cheapest, tinniest metal and plastic used to manufacture them seems to have always been the norm. And the shiny, off-gold bowler-figure on top hasn’t changed one bit.

I understand there is a tendency afoot to not award trophies at all but to use the money saved by doling it out as cash to the winners. I guess it’s a step in the right direction but a lot of people who win want something concrete to cuddle with for a while; something to prolong the memory. I must confess I do like the beribboned medal I won at a tournament last year and, this summer, the trophy I got was a snow globe, which has some sort of camp value (if, that is, you have a fondly remembered camp at which to leave it).

Snowglobes may not be a step in the right direction but, at least, it shows somebody is thinking out of that tin and plastic box. Still, it would be interesting to know the statistical volume taken up by bowling trophies in urban landfills.