Marlin Salad Sandwich

I am well aware that my waist size has blossomed a bit with the passing years and, of course, my ass has followed suit.  Not that I’m particularly upset by this but it has become an issue in that I’m now aware of the pros and cons of seating offered in both public and private venues.  Through a combination of peer pressure, a desire for some compatible camaraderie, and some intellectual and/or architectural curiosity I agreed to attend a Miami Marlins baseball game so I could give their brand new stadium a gander.

The camaraderie was good, it was fun being in a jock-strewn environment and, finally, once I was able to scare up a decent brand of beer (Heineken) instead of the swill (Bud Lite) that pervades the hawkers of that time honored beverage, it (the game) was an enjoyable couple of hours.  The Marlins won and I actually enjoyed seeing the better known athletes of the Chicago Cubs in the flesh.  Also the Marlins have a brilliant young phenom in their young second baseman Dee Gordon and it was great to see him blossoming.  Since the roof is retractable and it was closed, we were snug and dry in our seats.  What we were not was comfortable.

The new stadium came in at a mind-boggling cost of $550 million.  It is an interesting building but I think they spent $549 of all of those zeroes on that spectacular retractable roof.  But, hey, what happened to the other million?  Who is responsible for how cheesy the interior looks?  The choice of colors for the outfield walls (puke green)…really?

That weird “sculpture” in center field that mechanically acknowledges Marlins home runs is so kitschy your eyes water.  Most importantly, whose idea was it to chop two or three inches off every seat width?  The stadium has a capacity of 37,544 but not for any “semi-normal” butt size.  We were lucky the joint was way less than half full (I guess I should mention here that the Marlins are not a very good team so the attendance figures are pretty grim).  So the seven of us were able to spread out over the nearest seats as whim drove us.  I don’t recall ever feeling like a sardine at any other sports venue I’ve ever been to; and I’ve been in lots of them around the globe.  The seats are some sort of dark-ish blue plastic resin and are already starting to show some wear and tear.

So, as I said, it was a nice evening but you can bet your ass it’s not likely I will be clenching my buttocks together anytime soon at Marlins Stadium.