Chili Guilt

This falls into the “guilty pleasure” category and I know I should be ashamed of this but, what the hell, a pleasure is a pleasure is a pleasure (I think Alice B. Toklas was the first to say that when Gertrude complimented her for her various cannabis concoctions). I am perfectly capable of making a good pot of chili from scratch. I’ve proven this many times and my recipe has been tested by some fairly finicky gourmands. However, when I’m home alone with no witnesses to what I’m up to, I open a can of Hormel Hot* Chili with Beans. I put an asterisk next to the *Hot because, after all, a commercial canned chili isn’t going to go overboard with red pepper or chili powder. In fact, my homemade stuff is probably hotter and spicier than Hormel’s but that’s not the point here. I know this meal doesn’t sound like much of a guilty pleasure but here’s what I do to it: While heating it up I add two cut-up hot dogs (Hebrew National is my preferred brand). Once hot I pour the bubbling brew over a bed of crunched up saltines and then sprinkle the whole works with diced onion and crumbled cheddar cheese. Then I stir it all together so the cheese melts and the chili juice soaks up the crackers. Then I scarf it down in large heaping spoonfuls, grunting and groaning in satisfaction, while it’s still steaming. I do not accessorize this dinner with a salad or anything else healthy. My wine of choice to accompany this delicacy is currently Diet Lime Pepsi Cola, although that has changed over the years. Mmm, baby, it’s all good; it’s wasp soul food; it’s kosher (check out the brand of the dogs) and it puts me into a satisfied comfort zone. You should probably watch the SciFi Channel while you’re eating (preferably some schlocky thing with computer generated pterodactyls or angry mythological creatures), since your brain will explode if you tune into a PBS fund raiser. Oh, I also like macaroni and cheese. But that’s a different guilt and a different pleasure for another time. Hint: it comes in a box!