A Dream Narrative in Five Chapters

Chapter One

In October of 2010 a Pacific Gas & Electric pick-up truck was stolen near Lake St. in the Richmond District of San Francisco. When quizzed by police the workers (two men, both named Mike) blamed a man who asked them to move their truck because it was blocking his car. Mike #1 (who is African American) said it was “some old white dude in a yellow shirt.” Mike #2 said it was a “plaid shirt with a lot of yellow in it.” Neither of them actually saw this man steal their truck even though it happened right in front of their eyes. Three weeks later the Parks Department called PG&E to ask them to move a truck from the parking space that serves visitors to the Spire tree sculpture by Andy Goldsworthy in The Presidio. The man who made the call thought the truck had been there for “at least three weeks.” Mike #1, protected by his union, only received a reprimand for leaving his keys in the truck and still works for PG&E. Mike #2 got tired of being razzed by his co-workers and quit his job. Later he told a friend, in confidence, that when the supposed thief asked them to move their truck Mike #2 had said, “It’ll be another 20 minutes” and when the man started to object Mike #1 had yelled, “Get lost, old man.” The presumption that the man in the plaid yellow shirt stole the truck went from a possibility to a probability.

Chapter Two

When PG&E reported the theft the police assumed they could get the identity of the thief by researching the background of the car that had been hemmed in by the truck , but nothing was done for another three weeks during which time the car accumulated 15 parking tickets. When the car was finally impounded the “traffic monitor” for that area was chastised for not reporting the car as a possible abandonment or theft. Upon further investigation it was discovered that she had reported this car, in writing, eight times and her supervisor and the follow-up person were reprimanded for neglecting to enter the information into a data base. All three of these people have since left their jobs at the DMV.

Chapter Three

After the car was impounded it was discovered that it had been reported stolen three weeks prior to the truck theft incident. The woman who reported the theft lived three blocks away and she later admitted she might have just forgotten where she parked it. Since the car had New Jersey license plates and was insured in that state there were further delays in resolving the issue of ownership.

Chapter Four

While the car was in the impound lot the trunk was opened and a cardboard box was found containing a Barbra Streisand puppet dressed in her costume from the movie of Hello Dolly. When interviewed by police the car owner said the puppet had appeared on the table in the lobby of her building and, although everyone had admired it, no one questioned why it was there until a portable tape cassette player also appeared on the table and the song “The Way We Were” was played in a continuous loop, day and night (although at low volume). Several complaints were lodged with the building superintendent who did nothing about it except to turn off the tape cassette. The car owner finally took the puppet and put it in the trunk of her car.

Chapter Five

Someone at the impound department recognized that the puppet was a fairly extraordinary work of art (the face and hands were a fine grade of delicate bisque) and put a photo of it on the bulletin board in the office. A few days later a passerby recognized the work as being one of a noted group of “diva” puppets executed by a well-known local artist and, although not for sale, they had been displayed in a high-end jewelry store on 24th Street in the Castro District. The owner of the store said the collection was returned to the partner of the artist (who had passed away from AIDS-related causes several years ago) but neither the store owner nor the partner noticed the Streisand puppet was missing until the rest of them were put up for auction, individually, on E-Bay. The partner and the store owner are unsure when or where the puppet was misplaced or purloined and did not notify the authorities. Some weeks later, after due diligence by the SF Police Dept. and through photographic evidence, the partner was able to successfully facilitate its return to him.

Coda

The owner of the “stolen” vehicle was indicted on several misdemeanor charges including insurance fraud and possession of stolen property. The man in the yellow shirt has disappeared into local folklore. The puppet was auctioned off on E-Bay and the winning bid was $1,275.