Branding Ironies

Here’s the soap I use in the shower: Safeguard antibacterial (beige). I’ve used Safeguard (beige) for decades! It’s what I use but do I know why? No. I guess one day in about 1923 I bought a bar of it and never looked back. I do like those glycerin soaps from The Body Shop because they smell good and have a nice slick texture and I use it on my hands and face (pre-shave) in the bathroom. I even buy that expensive liquid hand soap (Kaffir lime) from Wms. Sonoma for use at my kitchen sink. But in the shower? Safeguard beige all the way!

I never thought I was brand conscious particularly until an old friend recently mentioned he has always seen Safeguard around my various abodes over the years, even suggesting I should become the poster boy for it. I think I prefer “spokesperson” actually, but what the heck. Like everybody else I have my brand preferences but I always thought I was not locked into any one brand of anything, or at least I didn’t think so until that damned soap was called to my attention (unsolicited, I might add).

Further to grooming products I suppose I’m also locked into Colgate toothpaste but that’s my mother’s fault because that’s what I grew up with, but I haven’t minded using other brands when slumming elsewhere. I got the Listerine habit as an adult but was capable of switching to the mint flavors without undue angst.

Parental influence has a lot to do with one’s embrace of brands. I probably didn’t need to point that out; it’s a fairly obvious conclusion. Just trying to be thorough, sorry! My mother bought into Campbell’s but I weaned my way into other canned soups and now C-soup is banished from my larder.

Oh, wait; here are three favorites in the food category I just thought of. I can accept no substitute for Oreos or the basic Nabisco Fig Newton. And my peanut butter must be Skippy’s! Hopefully super-chunk but in a pinch I’ll gladly take the creamy on a Saltine. Jams and jellies of practically any kind are palatable to me, with or without p-butter, on a muffin. Speaking of which, I do prefer Thomas’ English Muffins because those nooks and crannies really are as advertised.

I don’t care if my cola is Coke or Pepsi or, for that matter, Royal Crown. I usually buy Orville Redenbacher microwave popcorn but that’s because the name itself tickles my funny bone so it can’t be abandoned because of mere taste, or lack thereof. I’m not sure what popcorn might be better; but I’m certainly willing to make a switch from OR if you can lead me up that path.

I claim that See’s Chocolate is my favorite but I must confess that’s a sham because I pretty much stuff anything chocolate down my craw without regard to brand. Well, that’s not quite true; I do try to avoid Russell Stover…I am convinced RS is chocolate-flavored plastic.

Okay, now, TIME OUT, this is a legitimate recess; I am getting up out of the chair in front of my computer right now, here I go, and I’m going to make a quick perusal of my refrigerator, food cupboard and medicine cabinet. That’s MY butt you see retreating in the distance…

Hmmm…I guess I’m not as pure in spirit as I thought. Now I’m totally embarrassed. This is only a partial list and keep in mind I kept my nose out of the liquor locker.

Including the above mentioned Colgate, Listerine, Fig Newtons, Skippy, Thomas’, Orville Redenbacher and See's I have to add Hebrew National hot dogs; Bayer aspirin; Kleenex; Lysol; Contac; Pepcid; Bounty paper towels; Miracle Whip; Schultz plant food; Tide; Premium saltines; Gulden’s mustard; Tropicana orange and grapefruit juice; Ocean Spray cranberry juice and sauce; Kikkoman soy sauce; Rose’s lime juice and Heinz ketchup. And last, of course, Safeguard antibacterial (beige) bath soap!

Interpretation of these choices is open for discussion. Talk amongst yourselves and get back to me. By the way, this is not a solicitation for a highly unusual gift basket.