Okay CoCo Key

Water parks are a helluva lot of fun for a wide range of reasons. Just the joy of being unashamedly soaked to the skin has been true since the days of jumping through lawn sprinklers as a child. And it certainly carries over into adulthood when, as a supposed grown-up, you deliberately go on a “flume” ride; the rollercoaster-like divertissement featured at most modern playlands. If you go on a water ride and you don’t get wet, where’s the fun in it and why even bother?

Water parks have age limits as to just how old and/or big a child can be to take the plunge on certain slides, and for good reason. Some of those suckers take a drop from as high as seven or eight stories, and around some of the curves the G-force can be brain altering. It’s just like a roller coaster except you’re not strapped in and you’re not wearing much.

Okay here’s the deal. Along with a minimum age I’m now firmly convinced, from first-hand experience, there should be a maximum; my suggestion being about 55 or so. Also, there should definitely always be a weight limit; for any age.

The facts: a 75-year-old mound of 225 lbs. of blubber should be barred from participating. And I have the bruises to prove it.