SPEEDO OR NOT TO SPEEDO

Although I’m positive that a lot of people consider it environmental pollution, it is still within the rights of fat old men to wear Speedo briefs in public. No, I don’t mean at your local mall or at work on dress-down Friday, I mean at a public beach; swimming pool or at the Fat-Old-Men-In-Speedo-Briefs Pageant held annually in Palm Springs, CA the first week in February (just kidding’ about that last one).

This is not a call for debate; just go along with me here and agree that, in this case, beauty (or, at least, acceptance) is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

This subject came to mind because I really am on my way to Palm Springs for a much-needed mid-winter respite from the trials and travails of being a New York commuter, and I was doing a recon on my cache of Speedos. Upon discovering the yellow had suffered damage I, without regret (it’s not good to become attached to articles of clothing, you know, especially swimwear), gave it the heave ho, fully confident that it could be replaced by the click of an on-line button. Not so fast, mien schatz! The obvious source was the boys and girls at Speedo itself but, alas, they no longer carry yellow. So then I indulged in a search for “Speedo-like” briefs at various other sites and stores. Interestingly enough, there was one up for auction on e-bay, even the right size and color, but I dropped out fairly early in the bidding as the price went way beyond any human logic. Which prompts me now to ask, is there a fetish going on about this garment, color or logo that I should know about? And, if so, do they have to be new?

Anyway, not being all that good at shopping, on-line or otherwise (the medical term I believe is chronic lackapatience), I prevailed upon a couple of buds who currently reside in Florida (geographically logical I thought) to do the leg and/or finger work to find the illusive yellow. Both assured me it was a piece of cake which turned out to be delusional. Dan from Bradenton (Gulf Coast) even visited stores where he was sure he had previously seen them in stock. Nada. Earl from Hollywood (East Coast) eventually found the object in question on-line and sent the URL to me. Get it? Earl sent the URL; which is ultimately a cool thing.

I immediately sent in a purchase order and my new yellow “Speedo-like” briefs are now in-house having arrived four days prior to my departure for Palm Springs. Perhaps in my next blog I’ll let you know how I did in the Pageant.